12.20.08
Review of Persimmon, Friday September 2008
277 E.10th St. & 1st Ave./Ave. A, 212-260-9080 [now closed]
Great for: people with padded pants and malfunctioning taste buds
I was excited that Midtown Hedge Funder got a res here because I’d read how a Momofuku alumnus started this place, and several people online said it was a worthy and less expensive substitute for Momofuku Ko. Really no. I am very sorry to pan the place – it’s cute and clearly was a good concept at some point. But it sucks. Yes, I know I only gave them one chance, though I don’t see how an entire kitchen can have an off night with every one of ten dishes. There wasn’t a single thing I could say I liked without reservation. It certainly is cheap, at five courses for $37, but please go to Setagaya 1.5 blocks away if you’re on a budget. You’ll be hungry for food somewhere else anyway so just save yourself some time and money. I am also aware that Mr. Bruni didn’t hate it; perhaps it fell off after his review.
At least it didn’t start out a total disappointment. MHF and I just got everything on the menu, as there were only two choices for each course. The fried stuffed squash blossom with scallop, tofu and garlic honey dwen jang (Korean miso) was weirdly tasty. I was surprised to kind of like it once I got used to eating flowers, big blossoms and all. We didn’t taste any scallop, though, and it got blander as we ate more of it. The sliced beef tenderloin with melon sauce, garlic, ginger, carrot, scallion and soy sauce was eh. The melon was a big no. I found the beef a bit bland, too. So far, no discernible flashes of Momofuku genius.
The pan-fried green tomato with crab cakes of summer squash, egg, hot sweet pepper and Shanghai choy kimchi was more along the right lines. I loved the bok choy. The crab cake was interesting, again bland, though a little spicy too. I grew to like it a bit as I ate more of it. This was probably the best thing in the whole meal, although that’s hardly saying much. The sliced braised pork belly accompanied by moo woo kimchi, salted Napa cabbage and seasoned dwen jang with salted baby shrimp mixed in was pretty standard. We liked it, but it was nothing special.
At three out of five courses, we were already on the entrées. I had miso stew with potato, onion, tofu, peng yi mushroom (enoki), scallion, sweet pepper and assorted seafood. It was ok but I had to dump in lots of hot sauce. Somehow it was bland and too salty at the same time. MHF’s kal gook soo thick noodle soup with house dashi, cockles, baby octopi, shrimp, garlic, scallion and seaweed was enormous and that much more of a disappointment. The shrimp, annoyingly, came intact. It’s such a waste. Chop off the heads at least, preferably all the appendages, so we don’t have to dissect the shrimp while trying to eat noodles in peace. I didn’t think they could mess up such a simple, common dish and sadly, I was wrong.
Oddly enough, I didn’t hate the lukewarm browned rice porridge/soup with tea. Exactly what you’d expect, it’s totally bland but I could imagine eating it when sick (Mom says congee will kill colds. It’s true if the cold is not too severe). Plus, it was manna from heaven compared to the misguided abomination that they called tomato mountain yam gazpacho with white mog yi mushroom, chives, fried sweet potato noodle, soy sauce and dashi. Yuck. I couldn’t even tell if there were mushrooms or white cabbage, and barely tasted any of the other things. It was so bad, every time I think of Persimmon I think of disgusting tomato water – no, not like V8, like crap liquid with tomato flavor – and nasty little mushrooms. I know I have an inordinate hatred of mushrooms but these were like creationists. Horrid, unnecessary, and misguided. This was tomato water with weirdly, disturbingly crunchy-chewy things you want to spit out. Preferably all over people you detest. Oh I shudder to think of it.
Dessert was not as terrible. There was a traditional Korean cookie and cinnamon ginger tea. I think I might be allergic to cinnamon, it bothers me so much, but I actually rather liked the tea. The sesame cookies were eh. The waitress said they’d get their byo license in December. I wonder if they’ll get their seating comfort license then too. I was expecting to suffer for Ko, but it was only here that my butt cried out for a cushion. At least the service was pretty good. The food gave MHF three hours of heartburn afterward though.
Honestly, until we had that shitty tomato water I was certainly not happy, but I was not mad either. That last thing was so awful it’s colored my whole perception of the place. I can’t talk about Persimmon without having a strong drink. And for a place with pretensions of rivaling Ko, the meal was really unacceptable. The best thing was blah and the worst thing made me want to clean my mouth out with acid. It’s really not worth any time or money. Don’t go.
Rating: 5 / 10
Our cost: $95 (no drinks possible)
Noise level: quiet
Chance of walking in: not good, although I expect that to get easier. And now they’re closed so it’s impossible.
