05.12.08
Review of Robert’s in Penthouse Executive Club, Thursday March 2008
603 W.45th St. & 11th/12th, 212-245-0002
Great for: expensive debauchery, eating with strippers on your lap, tuna tartare, having fantasies in the flesh, getting rid of a lot of cash quickly
My friend G was in NYC for a short visit, so she, her boyfriend C, our two girl friends N and L, and the Boyfriend and I did a fun strip club visit. The boys like strippers almost as much as we girls do. It turned into a crazy night.
We got a bunch of appetizers to share. The crab cake was quickly demolished. We found the Kobe beef carpaccio delicious, but no different from regular carpaccio. I actually thought Robert’s salad with shrimp, crab, avocado and tomatoes, was pretty good, despite the detested presence of avocado and tomatoes. The best starter was the creamy, salty, umami tuna tartare with quail egg and sourdough toast – fortunately there was plenty of it to go around.
We were a bit less happy with the filet mignons than I thought we’d be from Frank Bruni’s review. I quite liked mine, although I felt it was better when I ate here maybe 4 years ago. Boyfriend and L, who got the same thing, agreed that the filets seemed slightly burned and dry, as though they had all been cooked a little more than requested. As in, the Boyfriend’s medium rare seemed more a medium. The complimentary sauces were a nice touch; although the béarnaise was a bit vinegary, the cocktail sauce was good. G & C shared a good, giant ribeye. N very much liked the special of halibut in champagne cream with yellow and black caviar and so did the rest of us, whenever we could snatch bites out from under her fork.
We shared four sides as well. (A bit overambitious of us.) The potato gratin with bacon, mashed potatoes and Brussels sprouts with cream and bacon were all great. I kept checking to see that my heart hadn’t stopped from the cholesterol overload. We didn’t like the creamed spinach as much, but who could complain with so much meat floating around. The bacon, incidentally, was more lardon-style, I guess because they thought we needed more fat in our meal. We also enjoyed the beauty on display. Three or four strippers came by to flirt with us, and it was fun watching them try to figure out our table’s story and whether the guys were free to buy time with them or not.
Towards the end of the meal, we started doing shots. First I demonstrated the proper way to do a Blow Job – you have to pick up the glass using only your mouth, and toss your head back quickly to swallow the shot. You can put the glass down with your fingers though. The girls needed a little practice, so we did one more round. Interspersed with those were tequila shots, which I hate, but the Patrón went down all right. Then C and Boyfriend bought all of us girls the shot where the pretty waitress sits in your lap, pours alcohol in your mouth, and tops it off with whipped cream. I think I had two of those. At this point we decided we could get into a lot more trouble downstairs (see end – extracurricular activities don’t count towards the restaurant rating).
We had very attentive and flattering service throughout the meal. The waiters made sure to keep our drinks topped up and our places fairly free of debris. The go-go dancers over the stage were easy on the eyes, too. I love strip clubs and it’s great that I can have a good meal here plus titties in my face all at the same time. A few weeks later when I came back, the steak was better, so I would say it might be a bit uneven in execution but is pretty decent, though expensive. Make sure you get cash outside, because inside they charge 10% or something ridiculous like that.
Rating: 7 / 10
Our cost: $1320 (we did at least 4 rounds of shots with 3 or more cocktails each – a filet mignon is about $50)
Noise level: raucous party
Chance of walking in: pretty good. If you’re just coming to the strip club, it’s $40 at the door.
So downstairs the Boyfriend and I bought each other lapdances and watched our friends getting them, and then we found a very lovely Filipino girl named Leslie who is my new favorite dancer. (Sadie and Erica are pretty awesome too.) We ended up in the champagne room and I won’t go into details but it was a fantastic night.
